1 Peter 3:7
First Christian Church, Owensville, IN
Bart W. Newton, Preaching Minister
(Abbreviations for Bible translations that may be quoted: ESV = English Standard Version; NLT = New Living Translation; CSB = Christian Standard Bible; GW = God’s Word; Amplified Bible = AMP; KJV = King James Version; New King James Version = NKJV; The Message = MSG; KNT = Kingdom New Testament)
• If you’ve been participating in our online worship, you know that I’ve been teaching through 1 Peter.
• Last week, I taught from 3:1-6. Today, I’m teaching verse 7.
• So, let’s read together 3:1-7 to get a sense of the context.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (ESV)
• As I’ve said more than once in this study, there are primarily four God-ordained institutions within the world—marriage & family, government, work, and the church.
• 1 Peter addresses all four at least once.
• 1 Peter 3:1-7 gives some of the New Testament instruction on the institution of marriage.
• In verses 1-6, Peter reminds wives that a godly, respectful conduct born out of a heart transformed by Jesus can be powerfully and positively influential on her husband. A respectful, quiet and gentle spirit is the adornment that gets the best attention because it’s the kind that can truly win the husband’s heart and soul.
• In verse 7, Peter turns his attention to Christian husbands.
• Before we look it closely, remember that the NT teaches that within the family, the husband is considered the head of his household, following the creation order. Two verses from Paul’s letters:
• 1 Corinthians 11:3: But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (ESV)
• Ephesians 5:23: For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (ESV)
• Since this is Father’s Day, let me just say that if you are the right kind of husband, you’re probably going to develop into the right kind of father.
• You might think it’s too late for that. Maybe your children are already grown and you were not the right kind of dad when you were raising them. Isn’t it better to be or become the right kind of dad while they are adults than to never become the right kind of dad?
• And maybe you are a dad but your are divorced or never married your children’s mother. Listen, if you’ll let the principles of 1 Peter 3:7 guide you in your attitude toward women in general, you’ll be a better dad to your children.
• OK, husbands, it’s our turn today. Let’s look at verse 7 closely because I’m sure our wives are! And we need to anyway!
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
• Again, we find the God-ordained & God-created institution of marriage and that it is between a biological man and a biological woman: 7… husbands, live with your wives … showing honor to the woman…
• In this one verse, Peter gives…
Two commands to the husband:
• The Christian husband is to be understanding toward his wife as they share their lives together under the same roof.
…live with your wives in an understanding way…
• NLT: …Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.
• NIV: …be considerate as you live with your wives…
• What does it mean to demonstrate understanding or consideration toward your wife?
• It has to do with “knowledge”. It could literally be translated “live with your wife according to knowledge.” In this context, it means “’according to a knowledge of what God requires.’” (1 & 2 Peter, CPNIVC, Black & Black, p. 90)
• That’s why the Amplified Bible reads like this: 7a: In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship]….
• Gareth Reese comments on this by writing, “The husband, being a Christian, has a view of marriage learned from Jesus, and acts towards his wife in harmony with this knowledge. Christians have God’s revelation regarding marriage and are supposed to demonstrate that knowledge in their every-day relationships with their mates.” –Gareth Reese, Peter & Jude, p. 72
• Listen husbands, this is one of the reasons we are to spend time in the Bible on our own and with others—to learn how to treat others in a Christ-like fashion, including our family members and in this case our wives.
• So, that knowledge from God’s Word teaches us in…
• Colossians 3:19: Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (ESV)
• Also, CSB, : …don’t be bitter towards them.
• If you want to say it in the positive: “Husbands, love your wives and be gentle to them.” (ICB, ERV)
• Colossians 3:19: Amplified Bible: Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage].
• Since this is Father’s Day, the knowledge from the Bible teaches us dads in Colossians 3:21: Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (NASB)
• Incidentally, husbands with children or men with children, one of the ways you can exasperate or aggravate your kids unnecessarily is by not trying to treat their mother according to God’s Word.
• Now let me say this to husbands and future husbands. Treating her with understanding or consideration should begin before marriage.
• Husbands, some of us did that pretty good before we got married, which is a big reason why they paid any attention to us at all!
• We were kind to them; we did nice things for them (opened the car door); helped them do things that needed help with; did things with them they liked to do that we really didn’t want to do; etc.
• We should keep doing those kinds of things.
• Incidentally, chivalry was really born out of the Bible’s teaching on how men ought to treat women.
• So, the first command is that he Christian husband is to be understanding toward his wife as they share their lives together under the same roof.
• The second command that husbands are to follow is this:
• The Christian husband is to show his wife honor as the weaker partner.
ESV:…showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel…
• First, what does Peter mean by calling the wife “the weaker vessel” or “weaker partner”?
• Does he mean the wife is weaker intellectually? No!
• Does Peter mean the wife is weaker emotionally? I don’t think so. There are many emotionally strong wives and many emotionally weak husbands.
• Does he mean that she’s weaker spiritually? No! Verses 1-6 make that clear, not to mention Galatians 3:28.
• Does Peter mean that the wife is weaker physically? Generally speaking, probably. (Although Gareth Reese makes the point that though men may generally be stronger physically they are not necessarily stronger in stamina. Most of us can think of wives who day in and day out, night after night nursed sick family members while doing all of the other tasks and responsibilities that go with being a wife and mom.)
• “Most recent interpreters believe he had in mind the fact that women are generally physically weaker than men and perhaps the [accompanying] fact that they are therefore more vulnerable to mistreatment.” –Black & Black, 1 & 2 Peter, Jude, CPNIVNTC, p. 91
• This would be true especially in light of the wife taking the vow of submission to the husband’s authority. It puts her in a potentially vulnerable position and the Christian husband better not abuse or misuse his authority.
• What does he mean by “vessel”? Many other translations use the word partner.
• Vessel is a container or jar, dish, or vase.
• So, men and women are vessels. If the wife is the weaker vessel, think of her this way in light of her being both your wife and child God—think of her as being an exquisite vase of great value to be cherished with the utmost care and appreciation.
• Therefore, you are to show her honor and respect…(Amplified).
• Just as treating your wife with understanding should begin before marriage, so should showing her honor and respect begin before marriage.
• For example, show her honor by not having intimate physical relations before marriage. Save it for marriage as God intends you to do. You can do it. You won’t die.
• Show honor by not living together before marriage (cohabitation/shacking up).
• Listen, Christian men and women. If you are not married and living together and having intimate, physical relations, you are living outside of God’s will and practicing sinful behavior. And if there are children involved, all the more reason to get with God’s program and start trying to do this family thing His way.
• You might say, “Well, we live together but we are practicing abstinence.” That’s obviously better, and you must have more self-control than most men. You are putting yourself in a vulnerable situation of great temptation.
• 1 Corinthians 7:2: But in order to avoid sexual sins, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. (GW)
• Secondly, even if you are practicing abstinence as you live together, most people won’t believe you. And you say, “Well, I don’t care what other people think!”
• The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:22: Abstain from all appearance of evil (KJV).
• Think about how your personal choices affect the church’s witness!
• Husbands show honor to their wives by not viewing or reading pornographic material.
• Husbands show honor by not flirting with other women.
• Hebrews 13:4: Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Amplified)
• If he is physically and mentally capable, the husband shows honor by working hard to provide for his wife.
• 1 Timothy 5:8: But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (ESV)
• On the flip side of that, the husband shows honor and respect to his wife by spending time with her—talking, listening, doing things together that enrich the marriage. (I did not do this well as our children were growing up. I was a workaholic.)
• Husband shows honor and respect to his wife by striving to grow in his relationship with Christ and by being with her and the rest of the church assembly on the Lord’s Day to worship Jesus. (This I think I’ve done fairly well but know I’ve got some growing up to do yet. I’ve not always been a preaching minister during our marriage, but I’ve ensured that my family and I worshiped together on the Lord’s Day.
• Show your wife honor by learning to be the spiritual leader in your household.
• Sometimes I just want to give husbands and dads a spiritual kick in the rear for not making the Lord’s Day assembly a priority with your family.
• Hebrews 10:25: We should not stop gathering together with other believers, as some of you are doing. Instead, we must continue to encourage each other even more as we see the day of the Lord coming. (GW)
• It’s one thing if your employer requires you to work. It’s quite another when you choose to participate in activities of entertainment, recreation, athletics and hobbies.
• Husbands show honor and respect to our wives by making sure they know that we value their opinion and wisdom.
• Husbands we show honor, respect and understanding to their wives by speaking to them with the right tone of voice. I don’t always succeed at this.
• Deloris, my wife, graciously reminds me from time to time, “Honey, it’s not always what you say but how you say it.”
• Husbands, we would do good to learn to admit when we are wrong, to confess our wrong, to apologize and ask for forgiveness: “Honey, I was wrong when I ______. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” (Wives, in the rare instances that you are ever wrong, you ought to learn to do the same thing!)
• So 2 commands—Treat your wife with understanding and show her honor.
• But why?
Two Reasons:
• She’s a coheir with you of the grace of life.
…since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
• NLT: …she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.
• Galatians 3:28: There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (ESV)
• Galatians 3:28, Amplified: There is [now no distinction in regard to salvation] neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you [who believe] are all one in Christ Jesus [no one can claim a spiritual superiority].
• That doesn’t mean that men and women don’t have different roles to fill within God’s creation order.
• “Although spiritual equality does not negate all social differences, it does have social implications. Husbands who recognize their wives as equal partners in the grace of God must not misuse their headship of the home, but must be considerate of their wives and show them honor.” –Allen Black and Mark Black, 1 & 2 Peter, CPNIVNTC, p. 91
• So the husband’s prayers won’t be hindered.
… so that your prayers may not be hindered.
• Amplified: … so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.
• GW: … so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.
• Husbands, do you ever feel like your prayers don’t get passed the ceiling? Ask yourself and God if you’ve been treating your wife with understanding and honor.
• 1 Peter 4:7: The end of everything is near. Therefore, practice self-control, and keep your minds clear so that you can pray. (GW)
• Listen, the truth that our relationship to God may be hindered by our poor relationship to others is very clear in the Bible:
• Matthew 5:23-24: 23 “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember there that another believer has something against you, 24 leave your gift at the altar. First go away and make peace with that person. Then come back and offer your gift (GW)
• Mark 11:25: But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” (NLT)
• Now, some of you wives might be thinking, “Boy, I wish my husband treated me the way the apostle Peter said he should.”
• Wife, the first thing to ask yourself is if you are treating him as God’s word says to. Are you being the example?
• Secondly, are you praying for him?
• And some of you husbands might be thinking, “I wish my wife acted like the apostle Peter said she should act in verses 1-6.
• Husband, first ask yourself if you are treating her as God’s Word says you are to treat her. Are you being a godly husband who treats his wife with understanding and honor?
• Secondly, are you praying for your wife?
• Let me read 1 Peter 3:1-7 once again from the Amplified Bible: In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, 2 when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation—love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God]. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; 4 but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham [following him and having regard for him as head of their house], calling him lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear [that is, being respectful toward your husband but not giving in to intimidation, nor allowing yourself to be led into sin, nor to be harmed].
7 In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.
Let’s spend some time reflecting on what God’s Word has shown us—all of us, men and women alike—using the S.P.E.C.K. acronym:
• Sin to confess?
• Prayer, promise or praise to hold onto?
• Example to follow?
• Command to obey?
• Knowledge to retain?
• With whom does God want me to share this passage.